Friday, October 11, 2013

Tongue in Cheek History: The Song That Won the Cold War

The year was 1985 and the decades long Cold War was in full swing with the outcome still in the balance.  Throughout his presidency, Ronald Reagan’s administration would take on various leaders of the Soviet Union with Mikhail Gorbachev emerging as his challenger in 1985.  When Gorby took the reins of leadership he hoped to gain advantage over the United States with the ultimate goal of subduing the Western democracies to the Soviet way of life.  Little did he, or anyone else for that matter, realize that the most influential American of the 1980s and the greatest patriotic song ever (sorry, Irving Berlin) would bring victory to the United States.

Leading up to the 1980s, the United States was slowly sinking into a wussified nation.  Militarily, after leading Allied victories in the two World Wars the USA fought to a draw in Korea and then pulled out of Vietnam in a humiliating upset.  French Indochina/Vietnam was a 35-1 underdog when the USA entered the fray after the French (not surprisingly) ran away.  American society was weakened by drug-fueled hippies who believed in peace and love but not showers and jobs. 

The entertainment industry also worked to further the pussification of America.  No doubt, the closet Communists that Senator McCarthy did not get around to exposing in the 1950s still yielded influence in Hollywood.  A production that such people no doubt used to put fear into Americans was the 1983 miniseries The Day After.  The miniseries portrayed what life would be like after a nuclear war devastated the country.  Former Hippies, now called Yuppies but still dip-shits, and their pussy families were struck with fear at what might happen if the “mighty” Soviet Union attacked.   

In 1984 popular crooner Bruce Springsteen released a song called Born in the USA.  The song explodes with a catchy hook and rocketed up the charts.  The 1984 Reagan re-election campaign even used it as a theme song until Springsteen and his lawyers told them to stop.  On the surface the song sounds like it might be a patriotic anthem to unite the country.  However, if you actually listen to the lyrics it is about a disillusioned Vietnam veteran who returns home to a rough life.  Hardly the stuff of great patriotism or something that might turn the tide of the Cold War.

Speaking of the 1984 presidential campaign, Reagan’s victory was vital to winning the Cold War.  Fueled by a slightly improved economy along with an impressive medal haul from the Commie-free Los Angeles Summer Olympics, Reagan won a close contest against Walter Mondale, 525-13 in the Electoral College.  Mondale got double digits!  What comes after that?  Triple digits then after that, victory.  This was vital because as an alternate reality with Mondale as president would not have been pleasant.  In the alternate reality, on day 47 of a Mondale presidency the United States surrendered to the Soviets:


    


So the stage was set.  Reagan was re-elected but still needed something—a spark, someone to enable him to pursue policies to defeat Commies and dictators.  Someone to provide hope to all Americans.  That someone would be the most important person of the 1980s, a giant among men—superstar pro wrestler Hulk Hogan.

In 1985 Hulk Hogan was on top of the professional wrestling world as the champion of the then World Wrestling Federation (WWF).  To win the belt, he had defeated the hated Iron Sheik, striking a measure of revenge for the Iran Hostage Crisis.  Hogan encouraged the youth of America to take their vitamins and say their prayers but he stayed out of the political arena.  The WWF did not want its most charismatic performer to make waves and offend fans by supporting a cause or political party.  However, Hogan knew his influence could assist in the fight against Communists but needed a way to throw his hat in the ring without ruffling feathers.  The method he would use to do this would be through a song he used for his ring entrances.

The song, Real American, was written and performed by rock music veteran Rick Derringer and was originally meant to be used as the ring entrance music for a WWF tag team, US Express.  However, when a wrestler from the US Express team left the WWF it was Hogan who took ownership of the song.  The lyrics illustrated perfectly the beliefs of Hogan—he was a real American and fought for the rights of every man.  Except for Commies, and probably gays (it was 1985), and women are not really mentioned either.  But nonetheless Hogan would not stand idly by if Commies were to ever infringe on the rights of his fellow Americans.

With Hogan’s support for the country, Reagan was emboldened to pursue policies to weaken the influence of the USSR and other dickheads around the globe.  In April 1986 the United States bombed Libya in retaliation of that nation’s support of terrorist groups.  In June 1987 Reagan challenged Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall.  The Soviets were shaken; Gorbachev had no choice but to implement Glasnost policies, which pretty much admitted that their way of life was not as good as the USA.  By 1991 the Cold War was over and the Commies had lost.

Fueled by Hulk Hogan and the perfectly matched song, the United States was able to triumph in the Cold War.  Only time will tell if Toby Keith’s ‘boot in their ass’ song will do the same with the War on Terror.      

Lyrics of Real American
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

When it comes crashing down, and it hurts inside,
ya' gotta take a stand, it don't help to hide,
Well, you hurt my friends, and you hurt my pride,
I gotta be a man; I can't let it slide,
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

I feel strong about right and wrong,
And I don't take trouble for very long,
I got something deep inside of me, and courage is the thing that keeps us free,
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

Well you hurt my friends, and you hurt my pride,
I gotta be a man; I can't let it slide,
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!


 

No comments:

Post a Comment